tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3750968775912571051.post609836470289794365..comments2023-05-27T06:32:34.974-04:00Comments on It's Always Saturday In Suburbia: A 2nd Excerpt From "Blackness In The White Sand"G. B. Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09783331838434598963noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3750968775912571051.post-88929420205511240632011-11-10T06:18:48.130-05:002011-11-10T06:18:48.130-05:00R: Do tell, do tell. :D
Snaggle: I was definitely...R: Do tell, do tell. :D<br /><br />Snaggle: I was definitely treading a fine line with the sex, in that while I was trying to make graphic, I also wasn't trying to make it into porn as well.<br /><br />The violence was a given and what you suggested definitely would put it over the top. However, you're also right about a little clarification being needed as how she exudes her scent.<br /><br />I'm pretty sure I mentioned it earlier in the story, so with this excerpt it would be a given that the reader would already know.<br /><br />I appreciate the suggestions and the critique.G. B. Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09783331838434598963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3750968775912571051.post-76080401735700268342011-11-10T04:40:11.516-05:002011-11-10T04:40:11.516-05:00Ok= porn graphic, n very violent too. Tho some of ...Ok= porn graphic, n very violent too. Tho some of the methods she employs I remember from other stories you posted on old fgs-<br /><br />I'm looking for more detail of how she holds n exudes "the scent." Do you describe the gland location?<br /><br />Also more detail of how the bleeding is occurring- ie dripping down in three lines, droplets spattering into the ceiling, wall, chair, floor, or spouting arteries such as would be in the thigh wound. Maybe a little medical research on what bleeds how where?<br />Just a few of my thoughts.<br /><br />Definatly intense anyhow!Snaggle Toothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07197042129309670471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3750968775912571051.post-28224265761002539672011-11-09T23:58:17.095-05:002011-11-09T23:58:17.095-05:00I love putting on my slut persona ;)I love putting on my slut persona ;)Riot Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02725825736285347870noreply@blogger.com