Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A Very Short Excerpt

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The inspiration for my latest writing project "Time To Go" was unfortunately found while I was channel surfing earlier this year on Direct TV. The channel in question was called "Audience" and it was sponsored by the Smithsonian. The movie in question was from Australia, but I don't remember the title. All I remember was a one minute scene in which a criminal confronted a woman who stopped by at his apartment about whether she had talked to the police. He moved over to where she was sitting, brushed her hair out of her face, then covered her nose and mouth with his hand. That one scene managed to stick with me for the past four or five months, until around mid July, when I decided to write a story using that method of dispatching someone to the hereafter. As of the date of this post, I have fifteen pages and a shade over 9K words written

My friends, here are the opening paragraphs to my latest short story "Time To Go".

I took a couple of hard sniffs, and after chewing back the vomit so I wouldn't asphyxiate, I knew it was time to go. You would think that after experiencing twenty-three straight days of pure hell, I would long be used to the smell by now. But I wasn't. In fact, after twenty-three days, my sense of smell was so amped up that I could tell whether or not a mosquito was draining blood from a human or an animal.

It really didn't matter much to me that I was being abused. So long as the two gorillas were satisfied in using my body as a punching bag and a deformed sex toy, I was happy. I was happy that Davy, in his own sick way, really liked me. Or obsessed over me. I don't remember which anymore. After twenty-three days, I was just happy that I didn't join my friend Angela on the most frightening trip of her short life.


  1. Beginning with imagining the vomit is tough to swallow at the opening!

    I'm assuming this scene opens n closes the story, going to a middle flashback leading back up to this scene again, btw-

    But I'm hooked n want to know more, ie: what happened to poor Angela?
    btw- I always mind being abused or taken advantage of- n always say so- Just how I am as a past victim. I have trouble not understanding why she doesn't mind, without all the info-

  2. Snaggle: While this scene opens the story, I'm not sure if it will close the story. I do have something of a ending already in mind, but it fluctuates as I write.

    The reason why she doesn't mind boils down to being an unwilling participant in the two serial killers journey of destruction.

    Her feeling is that so long as that all they do is hurt and abuse her and not kill her, then she'll accept whatever is dished out to her.

    Self preservation is the running theme throughout this story.

  3. I find it really fascinating where inspiration comes from, don't you? While this isn't my usual genre, it's very well done, btw.

  4. M: I actually do. I just wish that my inspirations would come from happier sources.

    Thanks. But you might change your tune once I get the entire thing written.


Originality. Is. Good. Be original. Be thoughtful. But most importantly, make me think.