Monday, October 24, 2011

The Muse Is Mecurial

please click here for part 1

Standing on a rocky ledge overlooking a rain drenched valley, a lone figure on horseback raises her staff to the heavens and implores the rain gods to show mercy on the misguided village nestled deep within that valley. An intense lightning bolt buries itself a few feet from the battle weary steed and briefly illuminates her mistress.

She is of average height and lithe, with a burnt umber skin tone and a face decorated with intricately designed tattoos. The strong breeze blows open her robe to reveal fitted armour covered with studs and spikes, and still more intricately designed tattoos covering her exposed skin. The same breeze catches the underside of her hair and even though the rain is thoroughly drenching the ledge, her hair flows cleanly and burns brightly in the darkened sky.

She stands in the stirrups and unsheathes a thick seven inch knife dripping with blood and also raises that to the heaves. Another bolt of lightning is hurled from the heavens and strikes the tip of the staff. It quickly jumps to the knife tip and creates a fiery blue arc of death. A few seconds later it jumps again and knocks the lone figure off her battle weary steed.

Enraged by this brazen act of insolence, she flings her knife to the heavens. She waits for a minute or two, before coming to the realization that her plea had fallen on deaf ears.

Crestfallen, she grabs her knife and jumps back on her battle weary steed and gently presses her heels into her flanks. Giving the mare a couple of gentle pats on the neck, she takes hold of the bridle and allows the mare to carefully pick its way down from the rocky ledge and towards the valley.

Just before they disappear into the rain soaked forest, she stands in the stirrups and throws off her robe. She then undos the buckles holding her armor in place and throws that off as well. Nearly naked and with the cold wind causing her tattoos to surface, she again draws her knife, but instead of raising it to the heavens with staff, she slices each forearm and waits for the blood to run down to her hands.

She takes a deep breath before raising the bloody knife and staff to the heavens. As the blood runs down her arms and into her face, she urges her battle weary steed onward through the trees and hopefully to a village that was shown a modicum of mercy by the rain gods.

(c) 2011 by GBMJr. All rights reserved

Friday, October 7, 2011

A: The Powerfully Bodacious Ta-Ta's

click here to return to part one of this post

Mmmmm....mammaries and cookies....does a body good, 'cause they are nutritious!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I Got An Itch To Scratch

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"Hey babe?" she asks coyly.
"Hmmm?" says you.
"I got an itch that needs scratching."
"Sure thing," says you.

You reach over and absentmindedly scratch her back, all the while keeping your eyes glue to the plasma screen. When you've finish, you say, "All better?"
"Yes," she says icily.

My friends, here's another relationship that is potentially on the skids 'cause the guy is more interested in watching the game then paying attention to what his lover is saying. Let's see if we can show him the way to proper salvation, shall we?

"Wh..who's there?"
"Your conscience, dumbass."
"My conscience?"
"Yeah. And your conscience is mighty pissed off with you."
"What for?"
"What for he says. Man, do you know that your love left you an opening a mile wide and you managed to fuck it up?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the fact that your woman wanted to do some personal exploration of her body and wanted you to help with that exploration."
"Excuse me?"
"No excuse for you bucko, so shut up and let me explain something to you."

The plasma t.v screen goes dark for a second, then the video comes to life as a couple appears on the screen, which is immediately followed by the audio.

Listen up bucko and pay attention to the screen while I'm talking to you. When your woman comes up to you and starts talking in a sexy sultry voice, the first thing that you should do is pay attention to what she's saying. When she says "I got an itch that needs scratching", the first word out your mouth should be, "Where?" and your first movement after she answers should be towards the exact spot she mentions. Once you're there, then you can ad-lib. Comprende?

For example, if your woman says, "Between the legs," you should go between the legs. Once there, you can ask whereabouts, then you can take it from there. If external, then you work on it external, either through the clothes or inside the clothes. And don't you dare ask how, because at this point you should be using those five magic little fingers of yours. If she says its internal, then the only question you should be asking is "Groin or facial?"

On the other hand, if your woman says, "On the chest," then you should ask "Outside or inside?", which should be immediately followed by "Fingers, groin or facial?"

However, if she should say, "Ass", then you could have a problem. Because after asking the question, "Outside or inside" the second question that you need to ask is not "Fingers, groin or facial", but "Spanking, fingers or groin." Yes, some people are into the kinkiness that is called 'spanking', the larger or thinner the object the better. Examples would be: a paddle (table tennis), a ruler, a whip or a hand. 'Fingers' is pretty obvious and sometimes more is better (again, this is a kinkiness issue too), and 'groin' is even more obvious. If you choose the last two options, please, please, please make sure that you use some kind of lubrication. While your woman may be into that kind of kinky fun, chances are she is not into that particular type of pain. Get it?

Finally, if your woman says, "Throat" then my friend you have hit the jackpot. Chances are that while she may do her best impersonation of a good porn star, it is imperative that you help make it a memorable experience, especially when she can't quite take it all in. Keep in mind that positioning and hip speed is key when you're helping your lover successfully scratch her throat itch.

No matter what kind of itch you're helping her scratch, it's imperative that you remember this one key component: always ask if you can finish the job your way. While she may want you to always finish what you started, it's important to ask if how she wants you to finish. Some women don't mind if you finish it your way because they feel that the job isn't completed unless she personally experiences the end result. And some woman would rather you finish it their way, because they feel that seeing it is for more satisfying that feeling it.

The plasma screen clicks off and your conscience reappears. "Comment?"
"I think I better go apologize to my girl and ask for second chance."
"That's the spirit."

This PSA has been brought you by the Greek God Eros, who wants to remind you that while manual maneuvers can be satisfying in a pinch, the satisfaction will be incredible if you have someone else doing the pinching.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Doing The Pogo Isn't All That It's Cracked Up To Be

click here for part 1

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God, that was the best one ever!"
"Whatever you say T."
"Something wrong?"

That my friends, is an example of a relationship in trouble. Once again, Ted has missed both the verbal cues and body language that his girlfriend Nancy was throwing during their last hookup. Let's see if we can show Ted the error of his ways and help him keep his woman from walking out on him.

"Yo Ted!"
"Wh..who's there?"
"Your conscience."
"My conscience?"
"Yeah, your conscience. And your conscience is pretty pissed off at you right now."
"Pissed off? About what?"
"Your skills as a lover and a man."
"Excuse me?"
"No excuse for you bucko. So shut up and let me show you how you're about to lose your woman."

Instantly popping up in front of Ted is a big ass wide screen t.v. A few seconds later a movie starts.
The action gets underway with Ted and Nancy making out on the bed. A few minutes later, Nancy is barechested and Ted is completely unzipped. After another minute of the obligatory foreplay involving Nancy's sumptuous breasts, Nancy starts giving a Ted a hand job. Within another minute, Ted is fully erect and ready for action.

Nancy gives him a hopeful look, but Ted is already in his own little world with his hands behind his head. Sighing hard, Nancy takes off her shorts, climbs on top of Ted and starts doing the pogo. About five minutes later, Ted grabs hold of Nancy, scrunches his face and blows his load.

They have the aforementioned conversation, then Nancy climbs down, gets dressed and staggers out of the room.

"Dude, that is so pathetic."
"What he says. All you did was lay on your back, put your hands behind your head and let Nancy do the yeoman's share of the work. Then you have the audacity to say that was the best one ever."
"Did you happen to notice how she was limping when she walked out of the room?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, the reason as to why she's limping is that her ankles and knees are sore from playing pogo on your stick? Dude, when was the last time you actually took the initiative and said, 'Honey, I'm gonna do the yeoman's work in this particular fuck fest today. You just rest your soft sensuous ass and let me take care of things?'"

"Well, there was that time after we had dinner at the Hooky Lau."
"That was three years ago, shortly after you started dating. Dude, a bad ass woman like Nancy wants to feel special from time to time."
"God you are so dense sometimes. Yes, special. In other words, when it comes time to do it, you fuck her instead of her fucking you. Let me show you a few examples."

The room goes dark and t.v. illuminates again. First up is a couple doing it doggy style in a few different ways: traditional, then with the woman laying half on/half off the bed, then laying completely on the bed. Then the next scene features the couple using different parts of the couch for action. Finally, the last scene features an old-fashioned titty fuck.

"Do you now get the picture? You have a hotter than hot girlfriend, but she's about ready to dump you for that doughy next door neighbor of yours simply because he's willing to do what you ain't been willing to do. Understand?"
"Dump me?"
"Yes Einstein, dump you. While your stick may be larger than normal, the fact that she has to do all of the work in order to get satisfied is pretty sad. The only time a woman should be doing that much work to get satisfied is when she's out doing manual maneuvers."
"I think I should study up on that video again to bone up on a few things."
"That's the spirit."
My friends, Ted was able to pick up a few pointers from that video and the next day all was right in his world. He managed to satisfy Nancy in just every conceivable position known to man and the soreness that was previously plaguing Nancy from her excess pogo stick playing has now vanished. She is in a better mood and is more than happy to please her man with every single sumptuous part of her body.

This PSA has been brought to you today by the Greek God Eros, who wants to remind you that having sex is always better when two play the game equally.