It was two o'clock in the morning and two solitary stop signs, situated on opposite corners of a seldom used side street, are shooting the breeze.
"So this kid comes up with a spray can and sprays this ugly looking tag all over my face."
"What color was it?"
"Blue I think. At least it smelled like blue. Got it all up my nose and in my ears."
"Yeah. And you know what the worst part was?"
A car full of teenagers were approaching at a high rate of speed when the driver suddenly realized that a stop sign was coming up fast. Burying the brakes, he jumped the curb and came to a rest on top of the stop sign. The drive got out, took a look at the stop sign, took a look around, then got back in the car and split the scene.
"Hank! Hank! Are you alright Hank?" asked Ted, who saw the whole thing and only was slightly concerned about his friend's well being.
"Ohhhh," groaned Hank. "That idiot pushed me over about five inches. My back is killing me."
"Besides that, you're okay?"
"Well..."Hank started to say, but Ted cut him off. Ted really didn't want to sound callous, but he was quite tired of listening to Hank blathering about himself.
"So long as you aren't permanently damaged, you'll survive. You know, this reminds me of the time when a truck jumped the curb and flattened me into the ground. He..."
"Who cares about that?" yelled Hank. "I'm really hurt here. He pushed me over ten inches."
"You said five a few minutes ago."
"I...I miscalculated." stammered Hank, who didn't like having his word questioned.
Just then, another car came flying down the side of the road and clipped Hank. He got twisted one hundred eighty degrees and was pushed over sideways.
"Youch!!! I think my back is broken! Ted, they broke my back and I think I'm coming out of the ground!"
Ted didn't answer him. Instead, he said, "So anyways, this truck jumped the curb and landed square..."
"I don't care about that! I'm hurt over here!!"
"Don't be such a pansy," said Ted, who was getting mighty tired of Hank's lip. "A crew will be around later today to fix you up. If I was you, I would worry if someone completely took me out of the ground."
"What?! Take me out of the ground?" Hank was petrified about the thought of being replaced. Especially since that's how he arrived at the corner in the first place.
"Yeah, now wouldn't that be a tragedy of epic proportions." said Ted in a tone that sounded a bit too happy for Hank's comfort zone.
Before Hank could respond, a pickup truck full of yuppie jocks screeched to a halt in front of him. One of them got out and said, "Hey Brandon. I think this one would be perfect for the game room. What do you think?"
Brandon looked out the window and said, "Sure thing Cliff."
Cliff tied one end of a rope around Hank and tied the other end to a trailer hitch, before climbing back into the truck. Brandon dropped a couple of gears and burned rubber.
"Ted! Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" screamed Hank as the truck pulled him out of the ground and bounced him down the road.
Ted watched Hank bounce and clang down the road. Grinning, he joyfully replied, "Good luck Ted! You'll make a great wall ornament!"
One week later, Ted met a similar fate when the town decided to put in a traffic light. He was unceremoniously yanked out of the ground, put up for sale on E-bay, and now unhappily spends his days hanging next to Hank in Brandon's game room, listening to Hank bloviate and his nights wishing he was recycled.
Original (c) 2009 by G.B. Miller with all rights reserved