click here for part 1
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God, that was the best one ever!"
"Whatever you say T."
That my friends, is an example of a relationship in trouble. Once again, Ted has missed both the verbal cues and body language that his girlfriend Nancy was throwing during their last hookup. Let's see if we can show Ted the error of his ways and help him keep his woman from walking out on him.
"Yeah, your conscience. And your conscience is pretty pissed off at you right now."
"Pissed off? About what?"
"Your skills as a lover and a man."
"No excuse for you bucko. So shut up and let me show you how you're about to lose your woman."
Instantly popping up in front of Ted is a big ass wide screen t.v. A few seconds later a movie starts.
The action gets underway with Ted and Nancy making out on the bed. A few minutes later, Nancy is barechested and Ted is completely unzipped. After another minute of the obligatory foreplay involving Nancy's sumptuous breasts, Nancy starts giving a Ted a hand job. Within another minute, Ted is fully erect and ready for action.
Nancy gives him a hopeful look, but Ted is already in his own little world with his hands behind his head. Sighing hard, Nancy takes off her shorts, climbs on top of Ted and starts doing the pogo. About five minutes later, Ted grabs hold of Nancy, scrunches his face and blows his load.
They have the aforementioned conversation, then Nancy climbs down, gets dressed and staggers out of the room.
"Dude, that is so pathetic."
"What he says. All you did was lay on your back, put your hands behind your head and let Nancy do the yeoman's share of the work. Then you have the audacity to say that was the best one ever."
"Did you happen to notice how she was limping when she walked out of the room?"
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, the reason as to why she's limping is that her ankles and knees are sore from playing pogo on your stick? Dude, when was the last time you actually took the initiative and said, 'Honey, I'm gonna do the yeoman's work in this particular fuck fest today. You just rest your soft sensuous ass and let me take care of things?'"
"Well, there was that time after we had dinner at the Hooky Lau."
"That was three years ago, shortly after you started dating. Dude, a bad ass woman like Nancy wants to feel special from time to time."
"God you are so dense sometimes. Yes, special. In other words, when it comes time to do it, you fuck her instead of her fucking you. Let me show you a few examples."
The room goes dark and t.v. illuminates again. First up is a couple doing it doggy style in a few different ways: traditional, then with the woman laying half on/half off the bed, then laying completely on the bed. Then the next scene features the couple using different parts of the couch for action. Finally, the last scene features an old-fashioned titty fuck.
"Do you now get the picture? You have a hotter than hot girlfriend, but she's about ready to dump you for that doughy next door neighbor of yours simply because he's willing to do what you ain't been willing to do. Understand?"
"Yes Einstein, dump you. While your stick may be larger than normal, the fact that she has to do all of the work in order to get satisfied is pretty sad. The only time a woman should be doing that much work to get satisfied is when she's out doing manual maneuvers."
"I think I should study up on that video again to bone up on a few things."
"That's the spirit."
My friends, Ted was able to pick up a few pointers from that video and the next day all was right in his world. He managed to satisfy Nancy in just every conceivable position known to man and the soreness that was previously plaguing Nancy from her excess pogo stick playing has now vanished. She is in a better mood and is more than happy to please her man with every single sumptuous part of her body.
This PSA has been brought to you today by the Greek God Eros, who wants to remind you that having sex is always better when two play the game equally.